The Many Kinds of Rest (and why you may need more than just sleep)
When you think about rest, your mind probably goes straight to sleep.
If you’re in the first years of parenthood (and even if you’re not), sleep can feel like the holy grail - something longed for, talked about, and often in short supply. It’s easy to believe that if you could just get more sleep, everything would feel better.
But what if rest isn’t just about sleep?
What if part of the reason you still feel exhausted - even if you do get a stretch of sleep - is because there are other kinds of rest that your body and mind need?
The different types of rest
Frameworks like the one developed by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith describe seven different types of rest, all of which can be depleted at any point in life, especially in times of high stress, including parenthood.
Understanding these can help you tune in to what you actually need. If you’re experiencing exhaustion or fatigue, this can be an important piece of the puzzle.
1. Physical Rest
What it is:
Sleep, naps, and giving your body a break. It can also be gentler forms of active rest like stretching or slow movement.
You might be lacking this if you feel:
Physically heavy, sore, or depleted
Clumsy or less coordinated than usual
Like even small tasks take effort
Chronically tired, even after sleep
Ways to access physical rest:
Lying down (even if you don’t sleep)
Sitting instead of standing
Gentle yoga or stretching
If you are a parent, asking someone to hold the baby so you can rest your body
Going to bed earlier instead of “catching up” on tasks
2. Mental Rest
What it is:
A break from thinking, planning, remembering, and decision-making.
You might be lacking this if you feel:
Foggy, forgetful, or scattered
Overwhelmed by small decisions
Like your brain never switches off
Easily irritated by questions or demands
Ways to access mental rest:
Writing things down instead of holding them in your head
Repeating simple routines (same walk, same lunch) to reduce decisions
Listening to something light rather than absorbing new information
Letting yourself do nothing for a few minutes
Sharing the mental load with a partner or support person
3. Sensory Rest
What it is:
A break from noise, touch, light, and stimulation.
You might be lacking this if you feel:
Touched out or overwhelmed by contact
Irritated by noise (even small sounds)
Sensitive to light or busy environments
Like you need to “escape” stimulation
Ways to access sensory rest:
Sitting in a dim, quiet room for a few minutes
Turning off notifications on your phone
Using headphones or earplugs briefly (when safe to do so)
Closing your eyes for a few minutes (e.g. while your baby sleeps on you or in-between Zoom calls)
Stepping outside for fresh air and space
4. Emotional Rest
What it is:
The ability to be real about how you feel, without filtering, managing others, or holding it all together.
You might be lacking this if you feel:
Like you have to “keep it together” all the time
Resentful, overwhelmed, or close to tears
Disconnected from your own feelings
Unable to say what you truly need
Frustrated with your partner
Ways to access emotional rest:
Talking honestly with someone you trust
Counselling or therapy support
Journalling without censoring yourself
Letting yourself cry or release emotion without fixing it
Hearing “me too” from someone else
5. Social Rest
What it is:
A break from social interaction or choosing connection that feels easy and nourishing.
You might be lacking this if you feel:
Drained after seeing people
Pressured to respond to messages or make plans
Like you’re “on show” around others
Lonely, but also too tired for certain kinds of connection
Ways to access social rest:
Saying no (or not yet) to plans that feel like too much
Spending time with people you don’t have to perform for
Choosing quiet, low-pressure meetups at a time that suits you (and your baby if you’re a parent)
Taking intentional time alone when possible
Balancing connection with space
6. Creative Rest
What it is:
Letting your mind wander and taking in inspiration without needing to produce or achieve.
You might be lacking this if you feel:
Flat, uninspired, or stuck in routine
Like everything feels functional and repetitive
Disconnected from beauty, joy, or imagination
Ways to access creative rest:
Noticing nature: the sky, trees, changing seasons
Listening to music that moves you
Looking at art, photography, or calming visuals
Reading something light or uplifting
Allowing yourself to daydream
7. Spiritual Rest
What it is:
A sense of connection, meaning, or perspective beyond the day-to-day.
You might be lacking this if you feel:
Disconnected or adrift
Like everything is just “getting through the day”
Longing for meaning, grounding, or perspective
Ways to access spiritual rest:
Spending time in nature
Reflective practices (gratitude, meditation, breathing techniques, prayer, quiet sitting)
Marking small moments of meaning in your day
Connecting with something or someone that reminds you of who you are beyond parenting
Reading or listening to something that feels grounding
Why this matters, especially in the first year of parenthood
The early months with a baby touch every one of these areas, often depleting them all at once. I’ve experienced it myself, and I hear it regularly from both yoga and counselling clients. You’re not just sleep-deprived. You might also be:
Mentally overloaded from constant responsibility
Sensory overwhelmed by noise and touch
Emotionally stretched by the intensity of caring
Socially drained (or sometimes isolated)
Disconnected from parts of yourself
So when someone says “just rest when the baby rests,” it can fall a little flat.
Maybe what you actually need in that moment isn’t sleep. Maybe you need quiet, space, support, or simply a moment where nothing is being asked of you.
Why rest can feel so hard to access
But even when opportunities for rest appear, many people find it difficult to take them. You might notice:
A pressure to “use the time productively”
Guilt about not doing enough
Difficulty switching off or relaxing
A sense that rest has to be earned
Plus, in early parenthood, there’s also the unpredictability - it can feel risky to settle into rest when you’re not sure how long it will last.
All of this is deeply understandable. Alongside recognising these barriers, it can help to gently shift how you relate to rest:
Redefine what “counts” as rest
Rest doesn’t have to be long, uninterrupted, or perfect to be valid. A few minutes lying down. Sitting with a cup of tea. Closing your eyes while your baby sleeps on you. These are real, meaningful pauses.
Lower the bar (a lot)
If you’re waiting for the perfect window, rest will keep getting pushed further away. Instead ask: What is the smallest version of rest available to me right now?
Loosen the link between rest and productivity
Rest isn’t something you have to earn by finishing everything else first. The list may never be done and you are still allowed to rest.
Expect it to take time to switch off
If you’ve been “on” all day (or all year), your body and mind may not instantly relax. That doesn’t mean it isn’t working. Sometimes rest begins with simply pausing.
Gently question the guilt
When the thought “I should be doing something else” appears, you might ask: Would I expect this of someone else in my position?
Create tiny, familiar moments
The same chair. The same drink. The same few minutes. Small, repeated pauses can help your body recognise safety and softness more easily.
Rethinking rest in small, realistic ways
Instead of asking: “How can I get more sleep?”
It might be more helpful and realistic to ask: “What kind of rest do I need right now? What is one small way I could offer that to myself today?”
Because sometimes the answer isn’t sleep. Instead, it might be:
Sitting down with a cup of tea (physical + sensory rest)
Letting yourself zone out instead of scrolling or planning (mental rest)
Sending an honest message to a friend about how you’re really feeling (emotional rest)
Stepping outside and noticing the sky for a few minutes (creative + spiritual rest)
Saying no to something that feels like too much (social rest)
These moments might feel small but they can make a big difference over time. Try it.
